It sucks how you can't choose your personality sometimes. You can definitely make changes to how you act and think, but you can't control what you like or dislike or the things you hold to value. In that area, you kind of have to just hold on and hope that you don't end up doing something idiotic. I have not had much luck in this area I feel. It seems I am always thinking poorly of my past self for making bad decisions. I guess I never put much thought into it, but I never thought I would come to shake my head at the naive younger self I was. I know there are several examples if I wanted to put myself through thinking about it but one example has come up recently. I was going through a box of random stuff when I came across my graduation cap from high school. I had painted a "straight edge" symbol on the top. It's not that big of a deal... but that the heck!? Why did I think it would be cool to advertise a moral code way of life based in the underground punk scene? If you would have asked me if I was straight edge I would have said, "no, but I don't drink, do drugs, or have pre-marital sex anyway". I just thought it would be cool for some reason. What a dork.
Anyway, it's things like that that make me afraid to do anything for fear that I'll regret it later. It's a weird concept to think about things before you do them with the intention to evaluate how long you thing this particular thing will be cool to you. I think doing this would automatically make it uncool. I guess you just have to go for it, do what you know is right, and don't dwell in the past. I just wish I could see my future self so that I know what he'd approve of me doing now.
On another subject, but something that I'll probably shake my head at myself later for, I built a ski rail out of wood and PVC. I watched a couple youtube videos of people making similar rails, drew up some plans, and built it with my dad. It's pretty sweet looking, but I have yet to use it. It requires a trip up the mountain with my dad's truck to bring down a bed full of snow. I haven't had this kind of time recently and so it sits taunting me. I might not get to hit it until next winter and this makes me sad. I'm in such a panic to get better at skiing that I feel like every moment I'm not doing something to progress is a waste I can't afford. Also, youtube videos pump me up and crush me at the same time. It is very emotional.
